Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Wanted: Detroit Lions Head Coach

Job Requirements:
Must exhibit a genuine ability to defy the laws of common sense. Must be a coach whose name would in no way generate excitement for fans of Detroit, and must have ability to assist in filling roster with averageness and mediocrity at best. Previous head coaching experience is discouraged and not necessary. A fondness for the drafting of wide receivers is also required, along with the mentality that the foundation of a team is built around the receiving corp. Upon hiring, a series of tests will be done to ensure that the mental capacity of said coach is not above that of a chimpanzee. These tests will include multiplication tables, Berenstain Bears speed-reading challenges, and ultimately a full body physical to examine if said coach is in fact breathing and has the ability to communicate nonsensical thoughts to others. One last requirement is the ability to bend over for any opposing coach in the National Football League. Please contact William Clay Ford, Sr. at 1-800-BAILOUT or http://www.everythingitouchsucksdonkeyballs.com/

No comments: