Monday, February 9, 2009

Sportsnation Poll

So on Sunday I couldn't help but notice that the Sportsnation poll posed an interesting question pertaining to the A-Rod steroid issue...

"If it guaranteed you a $250 Million contract like A-Rod, would you take performance enhancing drugs?"

By interesting question I actually mean ludicrous question because nobody in their right mind would say no to that. In actuality out of all the people that responded to the poll, only 63% said yes. In the words of Brennan Huff- "ARE YOU F**CKING HIGH?"

I am sitting there thinking about what I would do for $250 M and aside from committing a serious felony or permanently deforming my body, I don't think there is anything I wouldn't do. I think I agree with a friend of mine that I would strongly consider a crystal meth addiction for that amount of money.

Who are the 37% of the respondents that said no trying to prove? Now I do consider myself a person of high morals, but if you put some HGH and a truckful of $250M cash in a room, I will crush old ladies in walkers while laying into them with a verbal arrial assault of various mother references to get to that syringe. No questions asked. Why wouldn't you do some steroids for that much? Are you worried about shaming your name? I don't think too many people are going to blame you for injecting yourself with steroids when you are rolling down the street in a $300,000 Bentley with the top let back listening to Jay-Z while smoking a fat Cuban cigar in a custom Armani suit with the babe of your choice sitting on your lap.

Sign me up.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Flippin' the Bird

So as it turns out, we actually had someone last night during the Wake Forest/Duke game display their distaste for the ESPN network. By 'someone' -I mean a Wake Forest alum (as evidenced by his close proximity to an above 40 crowd wearing alumni shirts) and by distaste I mean giving the finger. Now maybe it wasn't directed towards anyone or anything specific but for the benefit of this blog we are going to run with it.

As I was sitting there watching the game, I couldn't help but notice this old man giggling like a teeny bopper while doing none other than crushing an ice cream cone that would definitely envoke some feelings of envy from Willy Wonka. I can't even make this stuff my focus has now turned from Dicky V's commentary to this man's complete and apparent inability to act his age. Oh but it gets better. As I am now ogling this middle aged, sweater-vest wearing, ice-cream crushing, laughing like a hyena man in the stands he does the unthinkable. He extends his middle finger while holding on to the ice cream cone (props for that, by the way- his hand eye coordination was uncanny).

Of course the first thought that came to my mind, after I replayed it about 18 times and my face began to hurt from laughing, was 'Uhhhhh what!?' What exactly was this 40 year old man doing? Did he maybe forget that MILLIONS of people were watching? After all, this was a matchup between two top 5 teams. Maybe he forgot that he was 40? That he was in plain view of a camera that was directly in front of him? Now I will admit, there are times when I seem to have a lapse and forget how old I am. Once in a while I relive the glory days of college and shotgun a Busch Light, or shoot bottle rockets out the window of my apartment, maybe even have a Fruit Roll-Up here and there. But I am 24, and by no means a mature 24 year old. That being said, apparently I am more mature than Old Man River at Lawrence Joel Coliseum last night. So I've got that going for me, which is nice.

For his sake I am hoping that this won't have a negative impact on his professional life, whatever it is that he does- "Hey did you see Principal Johnson flip the bird on ESPN last night?" I guess if worse comes to worse he might be able to land a security job at Chuck E. Cheese, judging from his juvenile demeanor and his affection for ice cream cones the size of mini-basketballs.